I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
