What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
