why didn't you poke me back
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
