Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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