lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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