i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
