You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
