god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
