At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
