i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
