WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
