I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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