my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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