Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
