why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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