I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
