Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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