You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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