I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
