she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
