I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
