part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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