Plan B is the new Plan A
My pussy is not your playground.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
