I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
