i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
