well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
