I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
