my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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