Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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