Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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