I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have peed in a lot of sinks
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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