he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
