only if we run a train.
done.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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