You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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