Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
