Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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