I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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