DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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