If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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