It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
