Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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