My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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