I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
