So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Can Purell be used as lube?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
