we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
