I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
