He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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