Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
