I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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