Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
