My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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