so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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