I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
