I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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