I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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