please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
