did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
