Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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