what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
