Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
