According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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