Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
