Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
