I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
