Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.