As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
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I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
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sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.