Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.

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  (301): That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk. http://tfl.nu/t1w6
  Replies (2) Good night (1158) Bad night (485)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?

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  (850): Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today? http://tfl.nu/xk43
  Replies (54) Good night (1097) Bad night (4657)
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  (858): View more from California

  She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.

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  (858): She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause. http://tfl.nu/nsj4
  Replies (38) Good night (5792) Bad night (845)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum

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  (505): With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum http://tfl.nu/r2ia
  Replies (9) Good night (781) Bad night (4014)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  The police scanner is talking about you again....

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  (712): The police scanner is talking about you again.... http://tfl.nu/f6sk
  Replies (17) Good night (8827) Bad night (1533)
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  (555): View more from

  She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.

  (555): View more from

  Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.

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  (555): She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome. (555): Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there. http://tfl.nu/h5mq
  Replies (13) Good night (3523) Bad night (1023)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism

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  (651): Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism http://tfl.nu/8f4x
  Replies (4) Good night (3484) Bad night (1001)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.

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  (765): He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something. http://tfl.nu/5hhc
  Replies (16) Good night (4704) Bad night (2052)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate

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  (512): I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate http://tfl.nu/79c0
  Replies (7) Good night (3402) Bad night (1021)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...

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  (908): At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ... http://tfl.nu/ikiv
  Replies (10) Good night (1282) Bad night (1531)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married

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  (941): Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married http://tfl.nu/yr2i
  Replies (6) Good night (873) Bad night (1742)
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  (529): View more from

  Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.

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  (529): Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble. http://tfl.nu/he57
  Replies (10) Good night (748) Bad night (1674)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal

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  (540): I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal http://tfl.nu/b5ht
  Replies (1) Good night (618) Bad night (357)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?

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  (907): I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask? http://tfl.nu/djji
  Replies (3) Good night (444) Bad night (404)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy

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  (828): It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy http://tfl.nu/r7mi
  Replies (2) Good night (221) Bad night (274)

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