Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
