i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
