I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
