She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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