Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.