was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
there is glitter all over my balls
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
