How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
