i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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